Punshment on Eloping

In a country like ours, where we come across so many cases of honor killing, I was compelled to write these stories.

Case 1: Bano earns her living from washing clothes and dishes at different people’s homes. Her husband is a cook at a hotel. The couple has four daughters and one son. One day, she came to my mother and said, “Baji, I have got my daughter engaged to a very rich boy.” My mother congratulated her. Though, the girl was hardly twelve years old while the boy was eighteen. Bano continued her routine work even after the engagement. She started inviting boy (her daughter’s fiancé) to her house and the couple stated having open meetings. Bano wanted them to develop a good mutual understanding, so she didn’t object on that. The boy started paying frequent visits to their house, while Bano and her husband were busy at work and out of house.

Bano was very happy and started collecting money and dowry for her daughter’s marriage. One day she came and told my mother. My mother gave her some money and granted her leave. The Nikah ceremony was performed nicely and Rukhsati was due only after two months. One day, Bano came and asked for a day leave since she was going to attend a family function. She didn’t come for four days. She came on the fifth day with lost looks and swollen eyes.

 “Baji, my daughter has run away from the house with her husband. Her Rukhsati was due in two months. Couldn’t she wait for two months? Now our neighbors are laughing at us. I have tried to call her from my old Baji’s landline number, but she is not responding. My old Baji gave me her old cell that our family uses. My daughter has taken away the cell and some jewelry too.”

Her husband came in the evening to us and was infuriated.

“I shall file a case against the boy’s family; he has provoked her to run away. I have other daughters too and this may have a bad impact on them.” 

My mother never wanted to interfere in their personal matters. First of all, she was against of their marriage at a young age. The girl was too young. Secondly, if they had allowed them to meet freely at home, they should have educated them on what their limits were. But as one states, the lower class has little time to teach and educate their kids. Thirdly, she was against filing of weak case since the daughter had “romantic” ideas and was inspired from films in which hero and heroine plan and run away from their homes. She ran intentionally, not forcibly.

Bano told us that she was able to talk with her daughter only once. She replied,

”Ammi, I am happy here and enjoying my time with the boy. Don’t bother me or call me again.”

Upon asking her younger siblings, they replied,

“Baji talked to Raza Bhai and asked him to take her.”

The siblings were even too young to know what “running from house” meant. This boy was a milkman’s son. She did not contact her parents for three months and had a wonderful time at Murree. They were really in deep torture and agony. After three months of enjoyment, the girl finally came back to her parents stating,

 “I enjoyed there for three months, had fun, watched movies and had wonderful time. One day, Raza asked me to milk his cows. This is what I could not do and didn’t feel like doing”.

The girl was two months pregnant. The issue had become more complex. She didn’t want to go back to her husband. In her views, marriage was all about having fun, watching movies and having a nice relationship. She didn’t want to take any matrimonial responsibility. She even didn’t want to have that kid. She even forced her parents to have her abortion. Whatever she saw in the films and dramas, she tried to follow that. (Bano used to take her kids to cinema once a week).  What else one could expect from a totally illiterate and a twelve-year girl, who knew nothing about responsibilities and reputation? The only thing which surprised me was that people from this class kill their daughters over performing such acts. But her parents supported. She is happily divorced now and living with her parents. Her Rukhsati was awaited. She could have left the home decently and nicely too, instead of becoming a “runaway”.

Case 2: Another case is of an educated lady doing her bachelors and belonging to a rich family. The only issue with her is being ordinary looking and not attracting people who came to her house to see her. She was rejected many times. One day, a family (mother and son) came to see her through a reference person. They didn’t tell the reference that they were Hindus. They liked the girl. Upon knowing their religion, the girls’ refused to give them his daughter. The girl wrote a letter to the boy and planned to elope with him. The letter was caught by a family relative. Upon knowing her intentions, parents asked boy to change his religion and got both of them married. The boy changed his religion to Islam. They are married now with four children.

Case 3: Another lady, who was doing her bachelors and belonged to very rich family, did the same. She eloped and got married to a sales boy in her father’s shop. She was very ordinary looking and no one ever asked for her proposal. Her family is still in deep shock. She came back to her parents, gave birth to a daughter. Later got divorced from the boy, married another boy and now lives abroad. The second husband doesn’t want to keep her daughter, so her daughter lives with her grandparents now. The girl is having a great time. Her younger sisters didn’t get any proposals, after this eloping case. People never asked for them after knowing this.

Case 4: This one is of a lower middle class family, where a thirteen year old daughter was given a lot of independence. She would go out to her friends’ homes and come late. One day, she didn’t return. Upon asking a friend of hers, she told that she had started liking a boy in her Mohallah and eloped with him. She got married at a friend’s home too. This she all shared after coming back after marriage with some month pregnancy.

There is another woman who has never married and given birth to two children. She is even living freely. She works at a parlor.

Now in a country like Pakistan, where we hear so much about “honor killing”, these are some cases where parents didn’t perform any. All these four women are alive now. It was very hard for me to point out the exact reason for eloping. First of all, it’s the inability to control emotions. Mostly girls elope where they are sick of arranged marriages, or not marrying the men of their choice. Fear of getting rejected again and again by people and when someone makes a “yes” to them, they elope. It happens due to lack of proper ethical training from parents, especially from mothers. They must keep a check on their children. With the current technology of mobile phones and television available, planning for eloping is easier than ever, and that is why there usage should be watched out by the parents and guardians, especially mothers. Thanks to films, that project “eloping” as a very romantic and recreational thing, and easily attack young minds. All these four cases are different from each other: Two ladies are from rich and educated families, two are lower class girls. No one can suggest an “honor killing” for these women, but one little punishment for such women. The girls in case 1 and 4 pressurized parents to have their abortions. Killing a life!! The punishment should be in the form of no support from parents on their coming back home and asking for abortions. If they eloped, enjoyed and had fun, why coming back to parents after some months then? There isn’t any case of honor killing reported, but something must be done in order to educate young minds. The act of “eloping” serves as a social taboo. It doesn’t only leave a deep negative impact on the girl and her family, but to other siblings too. Firstly, the younger siblings may think that it is something good to perform. Our elder sister did this, so can we? Secondly, people point out other girls of the same family as eloper’s sisters and may find a good justification to reject them.